5:20

“It was a strange feeling that turned me. Much like a feeling of nakedness. A feeling of shame. It was because of the knowledge i possessed. 

Rather than expressing the feelings which had encased my mind, i regretfully kept them in. It wasn’t untill now that these feelings returned.
I stood naked in the face of knowledge. I knew nothing. I know nothing. 
My judgement was not determined by the world and the stars, rather the love that carried me. The love that i treasured, the love that was mine.

So where was it now?

Where was this love that i had relied on for all these years?

Had it left me i would not be writing this to you.
Had it left me, i would have gone.

No, it did not leave, but instead it hid.
Hid for me to find, for me to dig and dig deeper and deeper until i was bare.
It hid for me to rip apart this world to find it.

But it left me hope.
I hung on to hope more tightly than i ever had.
Clenching within my fists every shattered dream and awful lie, every happy feeling and every simple song.

How long could i hold on.”

—————-

this is something i wrote a while back (circa 2007), and if you’ve been reading m blog you’ve seen that i posted this before. 

i’ve been getting back to journaling recently, it’s a good release and escape. I have to start incorporating that into my daily routine. It’ll made the mundane “rinse, wash, repeat” cycle of life that much more interesting,

(for the whole series of these journal entries click here)