5:13AM

Let me present you with an idea

To all the parents and people and friends who told me “you think you’re in love, but you’re too young! you don’t really know what love is”

To which I responded “Love has no age, I know what Love is, I am in Love!”

What if all those parents, people, and friends were right?
What If I didn’t know what love is

Now now, DISCLAIMER here, I am NOT saying Love can’t be true if you are young. I’m just saying for ME, i think all those people might’ve been right.

I thought I was in love with my first real girlfriend (names will not be presented in any of this)

But then I thought I was in love with my second girlfriend.

That time, for sure I was in Love.
We spent all of our time together, we were the best of friends, we were so happy
This went on for about a year and a half, and it ended.
Even afterwards, I was so sure, that that was what love was supposed to look like.
So from that point on, I searched for relationships I could apply my knowledge of what “love” was with. So every relationship after that failed, for some reason. I thought it was my choice of girls, or my choice of actions that screwed it up. I didn’t once think it was my definition of love that was ruining it. 

But it was.

Think of it like this. let me put my concept into an explanation using shapes

I thought love looked like a triangle

So i went out searching for relationships where that triangle would fit
I ran into some squares and a couple of circles, and I kept moving on, thinking “Oh they just don’t have the shape that will fit my love (shape)”

But recently I realized something

Love isn’t in the shape of a triangle
I’ve been forcing my definition of love into all of my relationships, so desperately wanting to have it again. All based on that relationship where i was definitely “in love”.

The truth is, I have no idea what shape love is, and where it fits


I have to realize that my past relationships, there really hasn’t been any real “Love”,

it’s all been Lust, friendship, security and companionship.

That’s all. Thats what i thought love was based on. I mean at the time i didn’t think of it like that, but now looking back, that was definitely it.



So, what does all this mean?
it means
I. Have. Never. Been. In. Love.


Now all this time I’ve been thinking “Yes, love, i’ve been in it, and i have tasted it’s sweet nectar”
Nope  Nope  Nope

I had no idea what love is


But over the past couple of years I’ve seen true love work through the people and situations and scriptures i’ve encountered.

Now, i don’t know what it’ll be like when I fall in love with a woman, but I know what Love looks like compared to a father and his people. So i’m pretty sure that’s what I should be looking for/comparing to

——-

So why all of sudden the realization of never being in love?
Well because of the situation I am in now.

I am happily in a relationship with a beautiful, fun, caring, individual.


When we first started talking and flirting and such I did what I usually would do in a situation like this, I applied my Love definition into it, hoping that this would be the relationship where I would finally fall in love again.
but after a couple of months of being with this girl, I realized something, she was NOTHING like my old girlfriends, they were all a dime a dozen. This girl was different. She makes me feel happy without having to do any of the stuff my old relationships entailed. I realized that she completely shattered my definition of love, and presented me with something new and exciting. I realized that I’ve never been in love, cause I’ve never felt like this before. This is better.

I’m not saying i’m in love with her,
I’m saying that i’m excited to find out what love really feels like
And i’m pretty sure I might just find out what it is through my amazing girlfriend.


So here’s to throwing out what i thought Love was,
And being given the opportunity to find out, discover, and experience what being in Love really feels like.


——-

I apologize if all of this is messy and unorganized, I didn’t go through to check for errors or anything, i just sat down and typed it all in one go, just expressing what’s been on my mind. I hope you don’t mind :]