3:42

What did I forget about humanity?

And what did I willingly throw away?

Note To Self

The Ocean, (Like the World), is huge.

I may not like where I am now, but I’ll keep doing the only thingI know how to do

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Enjoy you’re surroundings
The world is a beautiful place 

——-

You’re only lost when the place you are, isn’t the place you want to be.

So Note To Self:

Enjoy where you are. Realize that where you are, is where you want to be.

You’re here for a reason!
You’re not lost, you’re just confused. 

Look around you! Life is amazing!

 

(2:55am)

5:13AM

Let me present you with an idea

To all the parents and people and friends who told me “you think you’re in love, but you’re too young! you don’t really know what love is”

To which I responded “Love has no age, I know what Love is, I am in Love!”

What if all those parents, people, and friends were right?
What If I didn’t know what love is

Now now, DISCLAIMER here, I am NOT saying Love can’t be true if you are young. I’m just saying for ME, i think all those people might’ve been right.

I thought I was in love with my first real girlfriend (names will not be presented in any of this)

But then I thought I was in love with my second girlfriend.

That time, for sure I was in Love.
We spent all of our time together, we were the best of friends, we were so happy
This went on for about a year and a half, and it ended.
Even afterwards, I was so sure, that that was what love was supposed to look like.
So from that point on, I searched for relationships I could apply my knowledge of what “love” was with. So every relationship after that failed, for some reason. I thought it was my choice of girls, or my choice of actions that screwed it up. I didn’t once think it was my definition of love that was ruining it. 

But it was.

Think of it like this. let me put my concept into an explanation using shapes

I thought love looked like a triangle

So i went out searching for relationships where that triangle would fit
I ran into some squares and a couple of circles, and I kept moving on, thinking “Oh they just don’t have the shape that will fit my love (shape)”

But recently I realized something

Love isn’t in the shape of a triangle
I’ve been forcing my definition of love into all of my relationships, so desperately wanting to have it again. All based on that relationship where i was definitely “in love”.

The truth is, I have no idea what shape love is, and where it fits


I have to realize that my past relationships, there really hasn’t been any real “Love”,

it’s all been Lust, friendship, security and companionship.

That’s all. Thats what i thought love was based on. I mean at the time i didn’t think of it like that, but now looking back, that was definitely it.



So, what does all this mean?
it means
I. Have. Never. Been. In. Love.


Now all this time I’ve been thinking “Yes, love, i’ve been in it, and i have tasted it’s sweet nectar”
Nope  Nope  Nope

I had no idea what love is


But over the past couple of years I’ve seen true love work through the people and situations and scriptures i’ve encountered.

Now, i don’t know what it’ll be like when I fall in love with a woman, but I know what Love looks like compared to a father and his people. So i’m pretty sure that’s what I should be looking for/comparing to

——-

So why all of sudden the realization of never being in love?
Well because of the situation I am in now.

I am happily in a relationship with a beautiful, fun, caring, individual.


When we first started talking and flirting and such I did what I usually would do in a situation like this, I applied my Love definition into it, hoping that this would be the relationship where I would finally fall in love again.
but after a couple of months of being with this girl, I realized something, she was NOTHING like my old girlfriends, they were all a dime a dozen. This girl was different. She makes me feel happy without having to do any of the stuff my old relationships entailed. I realized that she completely shattered my definition of love, and presented me with something new and exciting. I realized that I’ve never been in love, cause I’ve never felt like this before. This is better.

I’m not saying i’m in love with her,
I’m saying that i’m excited to find out what love really feels like
And i’m pretty sure I might just find out what it is through my amazing girlfriend.


So here’s to throwing out what i thought Love was,
And being given the opportunity to find out, discover, and experience what being in Love really feels like.


——-

I apologize if all of this is messy and unorganized, I didn’t go through to check for errors or anything, i just sat down and typed it all in one go, just expressing what’s been on my mind. I hope you don’t mind :]

 

June 22nd, 2010

Was my 18th birthday :]

And it was probably the best birthday I’ve ever had thanks to my special girl :D
I’ll break down my whole entire day for you


At around 10ish Cindy came over and we just laid around and did nothing, which is one of my favorite things to do with her. We talked, ate and just enjoyed each others company :D

Then at 1ish we headed to Legacy Place to watch Toy Story 3 (in 3D), And it was amazinggg, definitely worth the 13 dollars. Afterwards we shopped around for 3 or so hours, I got some new clothes and she got some new clothes and a real cute dress :]

Then at 5:30ish we left to come back to my house where we spent a little bit getting dressed up and such, and left at 6:15ish to go to a restaurant called Davio’s

Davio’s was probably the most legit and luxurious restaurant I’ve ever had the pleasure to experience. First off I almost felt bad that our waiter was treating us like royalty, It was crazy. The kind of restaurant where the waiter made sure our knifes and forks were 90 perpendicular to the table, that we had a different set of silverware for our appetizers and our main course, and he had a little table brush that he would use to brush off our table and make sure everything was clean and in order. Needless to say It was an amazing experience :] We had buffalo chicken spring rolls (which were the most delicious buffalo chicken meal i’ve ever had. period.), Cindy had an eggplant Lasagna and I had this crazy steak dish with baby spinach and geen onion mashed potatoes covered in a sauce that seemed like it came directly from heaven.

Afterwards we came back to my house, got into comfy clothes and watched a movie together, which is always a good time

Then she proceded to give me my presents;
- Two MAE cds
- NUTELLA
- Honey Bunches of Oats
- Boxers (haha don’t worry about why she got these)
- A Ukelele To play
- A Rice Cooker

All of which were wrapped individually with newspaper, each present displaying a different movie we had watched together on the newspaper. :)

My girlfriend’s too good to me :]


All in all It was an amazing day, and i’m really glad I got to spend it with you
Thank you so much for everything, you’ve really made me happy and I can’t explain to you enough how grateful I am for that :) 

Anonymous asked: Why did you post those lyrics from that song for her?

that can be answered privately or in person if you would really like to know.

Anonymous asked: are you going to study anything after high school?

I’m gonna study lots of Jesus.

8:51

 This is all I’m listening to nowadays. Something between the melancholy music, and the whispering vocals just pierce me right through the soul. One of the few artists who truly deliver full emotion through their music. I also respect the hardships he went through to become the musician he is today. Dealing with both his parents being blind, dealing with their divorce, then experience the demise of his own marriage, William Fitzsimmons has definitely experienced enough troubles to write about, and I respect him for that.

if you haven’t checked him out, give him a listen

www.myspace.com/williamfitzsimmons